Wednesday, August 12, 2020 2:59 pm
By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
The news all over town is that there is raunchy sex going on in the Big Brother Naija house.
It’s as though the housemates dearly need to have Nackson the Sexy Guy in their midst to ramp up the sex act on a volcanic magnitude larger than the Richter scale!
Nobody can forget in a hurry the character called Nackson the Sexy Guy that ruled the waves back in the 1980s and 90s in the pornographic magazine Lolly.
Nackson had to do a change of name from Dauda the Sexy Guy to Nackson to avoid ethnic and religious harakiri.
The truth of course is that Nackson appropriately reflected the rakish undertakings in the hip lingo of that time and age.
Lolly magazine and Nackson were totally made for each other. Lolly magazine always had the picture of a voluptuous lady on its cover while the ever-present Nackson could sleep with anything in skirt anytime, anywhere, anyhow!
The publishing of Lolly magazine started inauspiciously at about 1982.
The most bizarre aspect of it all was that the magazine emanated from the home of the Caliphate – Sokoto State!
I seriously wonder what would have happened to the publisher in the new epoch of Sharia law and so on.
Nackson strutted about as an uneducated loafer who had no other business than the pursuit and slaying of ill-assorted babes.
It’s so like Amos Tutuola’s protagonist in The Palmwine Drinkard who did nothing else but drink.
Nackson was not even your good-looking playboy or lady-killer of a bachelor. He was ugly with a big flat head.
He was always involved in his escapades with his foolish friend named John. Nackson and John could do all kinds of manipulation to earn the cash with which to romp through their sleazy lives in dark corners.
Nackson was so bad he could even rape the wives of others in his regular rampages!
Any daughter of anybody that comes his way instantly gets banged.
The highlight of the Nackson game is that he touts his turgid member as the surefire cure for AIDS!
It is his way of attracting umpteen customers for his wanton flesh trade!
Aside from the intoxicating romping of Nackson, Lolly magazine had a back page that showcased the equally sex-mad taxi driver Lewis who, without explanation, eventually became a medical doctor!
In Lolly magazine, anything can happen! Nackson can even do it inside a telephone booth! Anything goes in the wild world of Lolly as Comfort, the maltreated wife of Lewis, also indulges in her own affairs with her man-about-town Dele.
Morality is neither here nor there in these matters. Nothing is a taboo in Lolly.
At a high profile society wedding, the horny bride can indulge in brazen sex with the best man between the church and the reception!
A typical headline of Lolly magazine went thus: “Nackson Nacks Clinax Editor”.
The mischief of it all was that the headline was a lampoon of a magazine called Climax which was edited by a beautiful lady who happened to be a dear friend of mine!
The publisher of Lolly in his “Abbey’s Column” always displayed a womanizing propensity, not unlike that of Nackson, even as he claimed not to be publishing pornography.
Nackson the Sexy Guy was a cartoon character that had lots of disciples across the length and breadth of Nigeria.
No parent worth his name ever allowed his or her ward to be seen with copies of Lolly.
Even so, the teenagers somewhat managed to steal copies bought by their uncles and read them in hidden corners.
It was not uncommon to see the teenagers placing a copy of Lolly inside a normal newspaper, thereby confusing any observer into believing that he or she was actually reading the newspaper!
It is a fact of life all through history that all banned subjects actually ended up becoming more popular.
Lolly was no exception to this general rule.
If Big Brother Naija needs some real action, there may be need to hire Nackson the Sexy Guy!