Tunde Asaju

By Tunde Asaju

The eyes of our president is too dainty to behold evil. His ears are too blessed to hear news of disaster. Our president must deflect any news that goes against the fake serenity, peace and calm of Arsehole Rock.
Recently, dressed in his Friday best, he took his bad luck to a football match even as his house is burning. Well, by now you know that anything this reverse Midas touches turns to dust. The country lost with him watching. Our president thinks he is a winner, no sir; you are a loser. A leader hailed into office and booed out has lost his best garland – integrity!
Saturday was the dress rehearsal…snakes on the Kaduna runway. 200 of them for those who cared to ‘guessimate’. They left the runway and disappeared into thin air. One day later, the president appeared at Evil Square, ornately dressed and throwing shades at the opposition. For the bandits, it was a dress rehearsal. They did a similar one at the Nigerian Defence Academy. We downplayed it. At Evil Square where his followers gathered, no word about insecurity, our leader missed a rallying moment, unfaxed about a nation in decline, right under his nose.
On Monday, the receding snakes resurfaced on the Kaduna-Abuja rail track. They left trails of sorrows tears and blood. The #BBC broadcast of the afternoon remarked there was no word from the government. Where was the president? Picking his teeth in Arsehole Rock. Heckled by the rest of the world, they issued an imbecilic statement making empty threats.
Conscious that the rail has been destroyed, guessing that if the train could harbour 970; and knowing that the rails won’t work soon, they targeted the road. Boy scouts would have known that this is the natural trend. But our security chiefs were too busy guarding the nation’s most precious cargo – the less than one percent. So the bandits struck on the road. They have been striking with effortless ease while service chiefs drink coffee and tombo liquor and get promoted for letting down their guard and the nation.
I warned on recently, that the ultimate aim of these ‘bandits from Libya’ who are ‘technically defeated’ is to occupy Arsehole Rock. Sai Baba is not a fool. A man who flies to London every other week knows how to fly away before it all falls.
A part of me almost didn’t sympathise. Yes, call me names. But I do know that for so long Southern Kaduna has been occupied. Every night, a village, a town, a family or a settlement in that area is ransacked; people are killed and the killers dissolve like dew at the rising of the morning sun.
Northern Nigeria is NOT outraged, because we are blinded by hate. Hatred of those who do not share our faith. Yes, some preachers have said that you should not mourn when a disaster befalls ‘unbelievers’. And because we gloat over the disaster befalling unbelievers, it is picking us up, expanding the axis of evil. Yet, we pretend that it doesn’t matter.
The way I see it, this is a gradual descent to total failure. The home monster that Buhari groomed by not condemning the first 93 that were massacred in Benue moved to Kaduna, then Niger. They are operating around the FCT with brazen dash and grab tactics. They have Plateau. They are gunning for the Palace of evil in Abuja.
Many would die, others would suffer and be displaced. Zamfara is there already, so is Sokoto whose Sultan, a General has cried his voice hoarse. Katsina is there already. They are heading for Abuja and they would occupy that Palace except something drastic stops them. That’s not in the plan of the ruining class, they want to deflect the arrows. Pretend everything is under control. But no. There’s no cause for control, everything is under alarm!
This is very sad, because not many moons ago, #SamuelDoe felt very safe at the Presidential Palace in Monrovia. There were news that the ‘rebels’ were coming, but Doe did not feel threatened, protected by the federal might! The day he felt threatened was when they cornered him and wanted him to eat his own flesh.
Mr Buhari, you may be happy now, feeling secured as your citizens die. You may always look away because your family is safe and sound. You may have been blinded by religion, deafened by nepotism and rendered insouciant by the spoils of office, but the monster you groom is still a monster, uncontrolled, it would consume you. I hope I’m wrong sir, I truly hope I’m wrong, but my view sir, is that you are not safe. Nobody is safe until everyone is safe. You may be enjoying the calm before the storm. You may be riding the tiger now, but you may end up in its belly.
It’s not too late to wake up and secure Nigeria. If you keep pretending that everything is fine, you may be looking at the ghost of Samuel Doe. By the time you see his apparition, it would be too late.
The monster you groomed is inching in, circling your abode. From all indications if they want to take you at any time, they can and if you sit still, they will.
Nigerians would keep crying, but they are already down and out, those who are down fear no fall. You knows these people, they were your boys. You are the one who failed to rein them in, I hope it’s not a fatal mistake. Act now, you don’t have time pretending all is well. You don’t have many more distracting football matches to watch. These ‘bandits’ ain’t joking. If they want you, they’ll take you! Act now Mr President, the next day may be too late.