Dr Hope Nwawolo

Hope Nwawolo

The marital story of the talented gospel singer, late Osinachi Nwachukwu, went viral only after her unfortunate and untimely demise. Anyone listening to her perform while she was alive, and even after her death, will not only be moved by the power and anointing in her songs but also by her humble carriage and presentation. This impression of her personality was not contested throughout the demonstration of anger on the course of her death. Many believed she did not deserve to be treated the way she was by her husband because she was very humble and respectful to him to the extent that he controlled her ministry and funds. That is extreme marital respect that took the life of the young woman. Only her family and children can explain the pain of knowing she respected her husband to her doom. Their consolation however, may be in the fact that she went to be with her creator.

Someone referred to another lady who met her husband and for the two years they courted, had a beautiful relationship. At that time, he had nothing but an old car and a one bed room apartment.  She never complained and after marriage, went through the teething period of their union during which he trained his siblings, being the first child of the family. He also got to the peak of his career while they were having their four children. He built their house in the village and three houses in Lagos as well as established his own private company, while still working with the government. After years of not going further in her academic career, the lady struggled to improve herself. Now, more than twenty five years into their marriage, when the children have all grown and become relatively independent, the woman suddenly becomes nothing before the man. He would always accuse her of not respecting him. The question will be; how was he able to accomplish all he did if the wife did not respectfully cooperate with him and sacrificed some level of comfort?

The report explained that this woman does not make personal demands from the man who has become used to not taking care of her personal needs even when it is obvious he can afford to give her some extent of good life. She takes care of her car which she bought herself with just a slight contribution from her husband who could afford to buy her a good car. She takes care of most of her medicals to the extent of driving herself to the hospital even when the man is at home. She has become used to not depending on him and grown thick skin to ward off emotional and psychological trauma. Of course, There are many lucky women out there whose husbands appreciate their effort through the journey of marriage and go on to show it in many ways when they succeed.

These men are those who understand the value of women and the importance of nurturing them emotionally and psychologically. These men know what it is to intentionally work on establishing relationship with their wives and children from the years of having nothing to the point of their blessings. These men appreciate their women’s role in carrying, birthing and nurturing their children through the years. They understand the multi-task gift of the women and look out to acknowledge and celebrate them from time to time. These men do not hunger and thirst after respect, knowing that it comes naturally as they play their headship role in their families. They are not scared of having arguments with their wives and ensure they make attempt to resolve any soon enough. They do not keep malice with their wives or reject food because of demand for respect when they have issues with their wives. These wonderful men do not exhibit low self-esteem and lay hands on their wives at the least provocation, but exhibit dignity while exerting their authority and control over their wives and children. These men respect and praise their women for turning their houses into homes and do not bring in fear with their presence when they come back home. Unlike the ones with low self-esteem, these men fall into the waiting hands of their wives, for comfort when they have troubling issues outside the homes. They play their God mandated roles of loving, providing and protecting their wives and children and the women will naturally submit and respect them.

I respect some speakers, who understand the pain some women go though, and encourage husbands to take care of their wives, while at the same time mandate the women to respect their husbands. Unlike some women who want to make money from social media and so come out criticizing and condemning women for disrespecting their husbands without objectively understanding what some of those women might be going through at the hands of their husbands.
No two marriages are the same and it behooves on the two actors to play their God given roles to make it a success story.
Respect is a necessary oil that boosts the man’s ego and l believe most women understand this. However, it should not be gained out of fear and trembling on the part of the woman but as a result of sincere gratitude to God and appreciation of all the man is as a husband and father in the home. Every woman seeks to have that father figure in her husband that directs, cajoles, rebukes with love, protects, provides ( to the extent that he can), listens and defends her at all times.
Respect in marriage has been over flogged to clog the eyes of some men from seeing the need to even respect others; their children’s feelings, their colleagues and subordinates at work, not to mention other people they come across daily, particularly women. Their common phrase iks always; “l have somebody like you at home”! Of course, somebody that has been subdued into fearful respect.

Basically, earned and nurtured marital respect will ultimately lead to a happy and fulfilled marriage. This is the purpose of God for the awesome institution and the sincere desire of most women that gave up their fathers’ names to go into the unknown marital journey

Hope Nwawolo, Ph.D
[email protected]