Conversation Nigeriana (3)

Conversation Nigeriana (3)

Monday, May 10, 2021 12:20 am

Hope O’Rukevbe Eghagha 


By Hope O’Rukevbe Eghagha

Obukohwo: Our President has asked the almighty America for help at last.

Emeka: Hmmmmmmm!

Tunde: Why hmmmmmmm?

Emeka: No comment! America helps the world!

Aboki: The devil helps the world too, especially when reason fails!

Obukohwo: When reason fails?

Aboki: Yes, according to Dostoevsky!

Emeka: Well, reason has failed in Nigeria.

Obukohwo: Nigeria needs help.

Kalio: To do what?

Obukohwo: To confront the insurgency, the nightmarish security situation in the country. Hoisting

aBoko Haram flag in Kauri two hours away from the nation’s capital is cheeky beyond words!

Tunde: What about the low grade insurgency in the South east?

Kalio: That one is there. The federal government has sent soldiers to quell that one!

Emeka: But why ask America for help? Why not Britain?

Obukohwo: Why not African Union?

Tunde: America has been more interested in stemming the ugly tide of Islamic fundamentalism

than the old colonial dying horse that is Britain.

Aboki: The president ought to have done this before now. I don’t know if he waited for Wole

Soyinka to urge him to ask for help before doing the right thing.

Obukohwo: Whether America or Britain or Russia or even the devil himself Nigeria needs help!

This joke is not funny!

Emeka: Hahahahahaha!

Aboki: This is not a laughing matter. America understands the threat level.

Obukohwo: Nigerians feel the threat level!

Kalio: And help we must get. Just wondering why it was Secretary of State Blinken that had a

virtual meeting with our president. Why not President to President?

Tunde: Does it matter who killed the snake? Man see snake, woman kill am! Matter finish!

Kalio: There is established protocol in diplomatic affairs. President Biden ought to be the one to

listen to the whimpering of our president!

Emeka: What did you call him? Whimpering? Do superpowers listen to whimpering of a cringing


Obukohwo: Let us be patriotic brothers. Let us not split hairs over who and why. Besides, our

country is vassal to nobody!

Emeka: Vassal to Fulani hegemony nko?

Kalio: Hehehehehehehe! That is another kettle of fish. It’s complicated, isn’t it? There is a design

and there is a default- commission and omission! You see, when Buhari became President in 2015,

Obama and Biden sucked it up to him. They believed he would deal with corruption. But

downgrading our president to holding a meeting with a Secretary of State shows how low we are

in the comity of nations!

Emeka: Now we must rise!

Kalio: I said there is a design and default commission and omission!

Tunde: If the president has called for international help to end the insurgency, then the

commission narrative will not stand. In other words, if the president’s agenda were to impose

Fulani rule over Nigeria, he wouldn’t be calling for help to dislodge the scoundrels from the


Aboki: You have a point there. Is it possible that there were clandestine meetings between the

British PM and our ruler in London during the president’s last vacation there?

Emeka: Mere speculation! Speculative analysis!

Obukohwo: Let us move into the realm of proffering solutions!

Tunde: Do the people in power read our prescriptions and suggestions?

Aboki: They do; they may not react. No serious government really ignores public opinion. You see,

they may carry on as if they don’t give a hoot, as if our opinions are rubbish. But they use our

opinions to gauge public reaction. Any government which ignores the public does so to its own

peril. When the chips are down, governments exist for the people, by the people. Whereas the

peoplecan kick out a government, a government cannot kick out the people. It is a lesson most

dictators often learn when it is too late! 

Tunde: Solution one is for the president to run an all-inclusive government. There are too many

people who feel alienated from the government. Indeed, they’d be happy to see the government

crumble! Any government in which the representation of disparate and different views are not

accommodated will always be shaky.

Kalio: Solution two is to re-jig the Nigerian Army. Morale is low. Men and officers do not believe

that people will get their due through hard work and diligence. Employ and deploy more men to

the field. Acquire more arms and ammunition.

Emeka: A Senior Advocate of Nigeria Chief Robert Clarke suggested last week that the President

Should over government to the Nigeria Army for restoration of things.

Obukohwo: Absolute rubbish! Why? Who elected soldiers?

Aboki: I agree that it is absolute rubbish; but who elected the politicians?

Tunde: We did; or didn’t we? There was an election..

Aboki: Yes, there was an election. But did we give them our votes? Where did two million votes

come from a war-torn northeast?

Tunde: I see what you mean. But they faced and campaigned. The soldiers have not campaigned.

Obukohwo: Soldiers are the ones prosecuting the war in the south east and north east. What

difference will it make to take over power? Besides, we have opted for democracy.

Emeka: What is this democracy doing for us? The politicians will not agree to restructure the

country. Indeed, throughout our history, state creation has been carried out by the military. It may

make sense for the president to hand over for soldiers to stabilize the country before returning to

the seat of power.

Tunde: That is dangerous. Nobody should encourage soldiers to enter the corridors of power

through the back door. We have had enough of them in power!

Emeka: Temporary measure. Just a temporary measure. France did it. We had it in Nigeria before!

Kalio: Abeg, I no dey that one. Let us discuss the disappearance and reappearance of Father


Aboki: That man like drama fa!

Kalio: But he is popular with the ordinary people of the country!

Obukohwo: Christianity is not about popularity! It is about speaking truth to power!

Emeka: But Father Mbaka has always spoken truth to power. That’s why he is popular.

Aboki: But Abuja does not think so!

Tunde: The Catholic Church hierarchy in Nigeria does not think so either!

Aboki: The Bishop has ordered Father Mbaka to keep quiet for one month! One-month suspension

that is!

Obukohwo: I’m not surprised. The presidency is rattled by Mbaka! When Shehu Garba came out

with that revelation that Mbaka became hostile to the Buhari administration because the

government refused to award contracts to is nominees, I knew the marriage was over!

Aboki: The marriage ended when Mbaka called on the president to resign!

Kalio: That’s free speech!

Tunde: It’s hate speech to the man at the receiving end!

Aboki: Friends are not allowed to speak freely against a government! Learn that….

Kalio: Is Mbaka a friend of the government?

Professor Eghagha can be reached on 08023220393 and [email protected]

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