The President Meets With Rich Nigerians

The President Meets With Rich Nigerians

Sunday, April 12, 2020 6:25 pm


Johnson Babalola

By Johnson Babalola

“Chief, you were invited too?”. Asked the young superrich Madam Egunje.

“Yes, my sister, I am still a Millionaire in any currency in the world. You should know. Please don’t get too close o. Social distancing!”. Responded Chief Yestermoney.

“I thought EFCC took your money”. Interjected Pastor Seetomorrow.

“I guess you read fictional newspapers too much Pastor. I still dey kampe”. Chief Yestermoney responded.

“Alhaji, you are back from your trip to the US?” Asks Governor Lazy of No Salary State

“Yes my Governor. I went to donate some money to the university my daughter attended. I will find time to see you about the supplies to the airport in your state”. Responded Alhaji Rankadede

“No worries Alhaji. You are always a big supporter of our party”. Governor Lazy assured

Announcer: National Anthem….

“ Mr. President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria….. GCFR, the Vice President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria ….. GCON, The Chief Justice of Nigeria ….CFR, The Senate President, The Speaker of the House of Representatives, Honorable Ministers, Distinguished Senators and Members of the House of Representatives, Your Highnesses, Your Excellencies, Speakers of various State Houses of Assembly, Honorable Commissioners, Local Government Chairmen, Retired and Serving Senior Military and Police Officers, My Lords, General Overseers, Super Pastors, Chief Imams, Imams, Grand Khadis, High Chiefs, Chiefs, Otunbas, Erelus, Alhajis, Alhajas, CEOs of Businesses, Senior Bankers, Iyalojas, Senior Advocates of Nigeria, Super Politicians (serving and retired), Invited Civil Servants, NURTW Leaders, Entertainers, Representatives of foreign businesses and governments, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Let me start by thanking you all for maintaining social distancing during this COVID-19 era.

We are meeting at the MKO National Stadium for enough space to allow for social distancing. As you can see, the stadium is a shadow of its past glory. We are talking to a reputable Nigerian construction company to carry out some repairs of the stadium soon.

I also understand that you were each provided with made in Nigeria masks and hand sanitizers as you made your way into the stadium. This might upset some of you who are used to imported masks and sanitizers from Europe, Asia and North America. I can assure you that your faces and hands will not suffer any adverse effects from the use of the home-made masks and sanitizers. Your safety here is not an issue since each of you came to this venue with three Police officers. We also have several officers on the ground.

As for food and drinks, I am sorry we are going to disappoint you a little bit. First, they are pre-packed due to this COVID-19 wahala. The plastic cutleries are made in Nigeria. The food items were all grown and prepared in Nigeria by Nigerians.  The takeaway drinks are products of our beautiful country Nigeria. Sadly, the toothpicks are products of Nigeria too. This administration understands that you are not used to all these and you are out of your comfort zones right now. Afterall, many of you import your cooked jollof rice from India, your pizza from the UK, your toothpick from Italy etc. We ask for your understanding in this unusual time. By the way, be assured that we have provided the same meals to your drivers, Police escorts and others that came with you whom are at the other section of the stadium. We are all equal, abi?

On behalf of the present administration, I welcome you all to this gathering. As a reminder, if you must sneeze, pls sneeze into your sleeves or elbow.

So, now is the moment we have all been waiting for. With due respect, I invite the President to address us all. A round of applause please”.

All: Applause !!!

Mr. President: “ All protocols observed. I am happy to see some of the movers and shakers of our country here today. We are all important but let me briefly acknowledge the presence of Alhaji Petrocementrice, Otunba Glowingphone, Chief MadeinNigeriavehicles, the leader of the Secondtous party and the former President Belleducation. I really appreciate you all.

As you know, our country is blessed with a very brilliant VP (he served as you know, under Chief Frontleader who is also present here). He came up with this idea that we should bring every Nigerian with a minimum deposit of N25 Million in his/her account together and seek for their help to develop this great country of ours. I agreed with him. We then asked our intelligence agencies to draw up the list of every Nigerian with a minimum of N25 Million in his/her account or kept somewhere at home, farm, bush, foreign accounts etc. As you know, we have all the information. Whatever information we want, we get .. when we decide to work.

Some of you made your money legally while others made the money illegally. We were surprised how much money some of you have. Some of you are richer than so many states in Nigeria put together. There is a particular junior staff of a government agency here who is worth several millions of Naira. He is here too. Some of you are so rich that you have no idea what to do with the money. You then use champagne to brush your teeth, import cooked jollof rice from India, send private planes to the UK to buy pizza, buy houses all over the world, own 50 exotic vehicles at a time etc. That’s not important at this point. What is important is that we must come together to alleviate the sufferings of Nigerians. Think about this: what is the point in your riches if you cannot walk freely on your street?. We must all be ashamed of the state of our nation and be resolved to move the country forward together. I know you will be a part of this beautiful and rewarding journey.

You represent less than 5% of the Nigerian population but 95% of Nigeria’s wealth is in your hands. Our plan is very simple. Going by an estimated population of 200 Million, you are about 10 Million (we intend to meet with you all in separate batches over a period of time). Nigeria has 774 Local Government Areas (LGA). So, our plan is that a few less than 13,000 Billionaires/Millionaires will transform each local government area.

You will organize yourselves into various committees that will focus on transforming every aspect of the economy of each LGA: Education, Water, Electricity, Agriculture, Healthcare, Roads, Communication etc. You will spend part of your wealth and use your contacts to turn the fortunes of the LGAs around.

We have put in place committees of reputable Nigerian professionals from home and abroad to help oversee the various LGA committees. They will provide technical and professional support as needed.

If this idea is properly implemented, you will discover that your networth will increase. How? Very simple: an improvement in the infrastructural development of a nation transforms into the economic improvement in the lives of the citizens, quality human capital development, reduced crimes, improved life expectancy etc. You will also live in a more secured and economically improved Nigeria. All these will have positive effects on your businesses and persons. If I may ask you: is it not better for you to have N20 Million in your account and you spend less on security, school fees, electricity, water, road maintenance etc than to have N100 Million in your account and you have to provide all these for yourself?. An economically vibrant Nigeria is an economically vibrant you.

Some helped to mismanage the wealth of this country and they are no more. When death came knocking on their doors, they left with nothing. Some of the money are in the hands of relatives non-related individuals and institutions that did not “labour” for the money. We are all here for a limited period. Let’s be remembered for positive legacies.

We had informed our intelligence agencies including EFCC who have all important information about you, including the source(s) of your wealth to start meeting with you and discuss how you can cooperate with us. I have no doubt that you understand our resolve to move Nigeria forward. Let me be clear though, many of you are hardworking Nigerians who made your money legally. We simply plead with you to work with us and make Nigeria a great country.

The VP and his team will contact each of you to get started with this operation “Liberate Nigeria”. I can see the representatives of the many various foreign companies in Nigeria nodding in approval. We need you to partner with us on this laudable idea.

Chief AllWhiteBanker is clapping in approval. Thank you Chief. Despite your age, I have no doubt that you are committed to be a part of this project. Maybe we can cut down on the costs of the next birthday celebration and use part of the money to help develop a local government”

All: Clapping in approval

Mr. President Continued: “Thank you. We will meet with other rich Nigerians and representatives of foreign businesses in Nigeria in the next few weeks. Thereafter, members of my cabinet and I will embark on visits to a number of foreign countries to meet with successful Nigerian businesspersons and professionals to join our drive to move Nigeria forward. This is a home-grown idea that will work for us. If we are to achieve our goals, there will be no division among us based on ethnicity, religion etc. A hungry Nigerian is a hungry Nigerian. Poverty does not discriminate against people based on religion or ethnic background.

Once again, we appreciate you. Goodbye and safe trips back to your various destinations. We will be in touch. Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria, our great nation”.

AlhajiFormerNorthernKing: “On behalf of all of us, I thank you my President for this unique idea that will within five years, move our country forward. We owe Nigerians an apology and the best way to apologize is to make positive changes to our communities and to the lives of ordinary Nigerians. We are all on board with you and your administration. We can’t wait to get started. Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria”.

All: Long Applause….

Announcer: National Anthem…

“Doctor, at least you can spend less money on Olosho and help develop Nigeria. They know how you made your money and if you don’t cooperate, EFCC will step in” Alhaja Oloja joked with Doctor Notserious.

“No need for EFCC to step in Alhaja. I will cooperate fully. Safe trip back to the UK in your private plane and hopefully, no more illegal smuggling through the borders by your boys”

Johnson Babalola Writes From Canada
Email: [email protected]


Join The Conversation

What do you think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.