Mabel is a 42-year old woman. She has a job she loves and is very good at. She is respected by all her colleagues and peers. She has three adorable children, who are all doing well in their respective schools. She is very active in her church, she is a member of two professional associations and is considering a run for the Presidency of one of these associations. Every day, wherever she is at 5pm, her heart begins to beat a little bit faster.

As her driver moves slowly through the traffic on her way home, she does not pay any attention to the usual noise and drama commuters encounter on their way home after work. Her mind is fixed on home. She does not know what mood her husband will be in tonight. Two nights ago he was unhappy with her because she informed him she had to travel to a meeting in Abuja next week. He showed his displeasure by choking her. The week before, he kicked her hard in the ribs. Maybe that is why the nagging pain in her side won’t go away. She found herself hoping that whatever he did, it should not be her face this time. There is only so much make-up can cover. Not my face, she kept thinking to herself. She looked at the file on her lap, wondering if having to stay up late tonight to finish writing would incur his wrath again. Mabel is a High Court Judge.

I could tell you more stories. Gender based violence is no respecter of age, class or education. Whilst education and social standing might give women more choices, the huge burden of cultural and societal expectations continues to wear women down. Conventional statistics put victims of violence at 1 out of 3 women. Why should we care about Violence against Women? We should care because it destroys women’s lives. It leaves women scarred and scared for the rest of their lives. It diminishes the capacity of women to fulfill their full potential. It destroys families and communities. It affects our economy. It increases HIV/AIDS rates, transmission of STDs, and numbers of people suffering from mental health disorders. Women who are victims of violent sexual crimes are afraid to report for fear of stigma, blame and rejection. As in many other parts of the world, when the cases are reported, it takes so much effort to get a conviction, the process leaves the victims feeling assaulted all over again. When there is no justice, they do not get closure and the healing process takes so much longer.

If we are committed to ending, or at least minimizing violence against women and girls, we should be prepared to engage in challenging and transforming all the institutions and processes which continue to undermine the progress of women and girls. Our ultimate goal should be changing the stories of abuse and violation, and increasing the number of choices that women have. How can we give Mabel a different story? How does she get the respect, self-esteem and confidence she needs to break away from her current life of abuse, living in fear every day?

We need to address the structural and underlying causes of violence against women. Institutions which predetermine the status and roles of women should be redefined. Educational, religious, cultural and social spaces need to be sites of empowerment and transformation, not tools for the abuse of women. Women’s economic empowerment and their full and equal participation in public and political life are also vital for addressing the structural causes of violence against women and girls. We also need to stop fueling practices, beliefs and stereotypes that undermine the physical and emotional well-being of women and girls. Religious institutions have a key role to play. They should be places where women and girls are valued and respected, and where their potential is not limited by manipulative interpretations of religious texts.

The role of families is also very important. Parents should raise their daughters with a healthy dose of self-respect and self-esteem. Girls and boys should be raised with an understanding of equal responsibilities, obligations and mutual respect. Families of victims should not accept the ‘Rape and Beg’ syndrome. It fuels impunity and does not bring closure. We also need to step up work with men as allies. Boys and men need a new understanding and definition of masculinity. Our societies need strong men who can be providers, carers and nurturers of values that embody respect and accountability. There should be no place for those who derive their power from the abuse and intimidation of women and girls. It is also important for parents, religious leaders, and friends to stop making marriage sound like an iron- gated prison for women from which there is no escape, and which has to be endured till the day they literally die from abuse.

There have been some attempts made to address violence against women in Nigeria, through the adoption of relevant laws at federal and state level. However, implementation and enforcement of these laws remains woefully inadequate, creating the basis for a pervasive culture of impunity. We still have significant gaps and challenges, and we should all be concerned about our lack of institutional capacity to enforce laws and policies. Inadequate implementation frameworks, lack of reliable data, lack of financial, technical, material and human resources, lack of cohesion and coordination, insufficient analysis and research, lack of continuity, and much more, make implementation extremely difficult.

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http://abovewhispers.com/2016/11/29/loud-whispers-changing-story/

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at [email protected]