Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

By Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi

I was in Harare, Zimbabwe for the African Feminist Forum (AFF) which took place April 9th-13th. It was the 4th AFF and it brought together approximately 160 African Feminists from 30 African countries. On the first day, a representative from the Zimbabwe Feminist Forum (ZFF), our Zimbabwean hosts, told us how, when they were conceptualising their input for the regional AFF, they decided to undertake an exercise in order to explain concepts of Patriarchy and Feminism more clearly. They needed to do this for themselves as well as for other people. At the African Feminist Forum, we define Feminism as the global struggle to end all forms of patriarchal oppression.

However, many times, we have to educate people on what we mean by patriarchy and how important it is to address our relationship with the institutions under patriarchal domination and control. According to our ZFF sisters, they decided to give the concept of patriarchy a name. So they gave it the name Patrick. At this point, I would like to apologise in advance to all the men who happen to be called Patrick, but please allow us to use the name for the time being in order to enhance our sensitization work.

When I gave my presentation at the AFF opening plenary, building on the input from our hosts, I decided to be a bit creative with the use of the name Patrick. Since we understand Patrick to be a man who has been able to set up political, economic, religious, social, cultural and technological institutions, which have endured from generation to generation, he seems to be a smart guy. Patrick has an intimidating legacy, which has seemed immune to the changing times. When he feels his power is diminishing in one part of the globe, he simply tightens his grip on another area.

As I stated in my presentation in Harare, Patrick has been able to survive for so long because he has actively recruited Patricias to do his work for him. Here again, I would like to apologise to all those called Patricia. You see, Patrick relies on Patricia for certain things such as caring for children, teaching them values and norms, and socializing male and female children appropriately. The socialization is highly regimented and relentless.

When Patricia gives birth to a girl, the family kills a chicken. If it is a boy, they kill a goat. All animals are equal but some are more equal than others. Patricia is therefore empowered by Patrick to teach her sons to be strong leaders, providers, adventurous, ambitious, dominant and forceful. Patricia’s daughters grow up learning how to be submissive. They stay indoors to cook and clean, while their brothers play outside. If Patricia’s daughter decides that she wants to play outside like her brothers and expresses an opinion like he is allowed to do, she is beaten by her mother. Oh my God!, Patricia will proclaim. No one will marry you! Your life will be ruined. If Patricia’s daughter is a victim of domestic violence, she encourages her to stay on and ‘be a good wife’. Good women never divorce. Patricia ensures that her daughters and their daughters are circumcised when the time is right. Patricia, in her capacity as a sister or mother, oversees the ordeal of widows whose husbands pass away – no man dies ‘just like that’. Note that it is the same Patricia, who will take a woman to ‘comfort’ a widower who has lost his wife.

Patricia also assists Patrick in keeping track of the number of male children born into the family. It is only little Patricks who grow into adult Patricks and carry on the family name. Little Patricias are not a worthwhile investment because at some point in their lives they move on to become some other family’s Patricia and produce Patricks elsewhere. These roles delude Patricia into thinking that she has power in her own right. Little does she realise that she is only a gatekeeper for Patrick, the one who truly possesses the power. He can give and take it as he deems fit. When Patricia finds herself at the receiving end of Patrick’s power, for example when she is abused or treated badly herself, then she realizes that she has been lulled into a false sense of security. And so the cycle and circles continue, with Patrick very confident that his empire is safe.

Patricia also assists Patrick in keeping track of the number of male children born into the family. It is only little Patricks who grow into adult Patricks and carry on the family name. Little Patricias are not a worthwhile investment because at some point in their lives they move on to become some other family’s Patricia and produce Patricks elsewhere. These roles delude Patricia into thinking that she has power in her own right. Little does she realise that she is only a gatekeeper for Patrick, the one who truly possesses the power. He can give and take it as he deems fit. When Patricia finds herself at the receiving end of Patrick’s power, for example when she is abused or treated badly herself, then she realizes that she has been lulled into a false sense of security. And so the cycle and circles continue, with Patrick very confident that his empire is safe.

Patrick however knows that he has never been truly safe from challenge. Every now and then, there has been the odd woman who has refused to cooperate like all the other Patricias. Long before colonialists and new religions arrived, Patrick has had to deal with ‘deviant women’ such as Frederica. It is the Fredericas of this world who used to dare anyone to circumcise their daughters or grand-daughters. It was the Fredericas who refused to be inherited by their husband’s kinsmen as tradition demanded. And it was these bothersome Fredericas who became richer than their husbands through their enterprise which even included long-distance trading. Patrick, and the Patricias in his employ had to do something about these terrible Fredericas. So they were labelled ‘Witches’, and they proceeded to create many fanciful tales about them. How they used to fly at night, kill and eat their own babies and how they would pass on their ‘witchcraft’ to their daughters.

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Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at [email protected]