Hope Nwawolo
As a young girl in a boarding school many years back, l found myself interested in reading articles and novels. One day, l picked a piece of torn paper from the ground and a particular sentence caught my attention. It read, ‘’…whatever you are as a young girl will determine what you become as an adult’’. Without giving a thought to the fact that situations and people could change according to circumstances, my young mind went to work immediately, particularly on how l wanted to look as a woman years later. At that time, l was on the fat side. I told myself that l would not want to develop a bulging tummy as a woman. I never even gave thought to the changes women go through as a result of childbearing. However, my young mind knew l needed to do something immediately to achieve what l wanted many years after. I took my house dresses and school uniforms and used my hands to take in the sides so that l had to tuck in my tummy any time l wore them. Somehow l felt l could control my tummy from getting bigger if l kept it tucked in most of the time. And of a truth l did and needless to say that some students liked my style and did the same to their uniforms. Talk about setting the pace!
At the time of taking the decision, l never even knew it was ladylike to tuck in your tummy. All l was seeing was me as a woman in future, without a bulging tummy. It never crossed my mind that childbearing or any abdominal surgery could discourage one from tucking in the tummy at will. And years later, after having four births, of which two were through caesarean sections, I have maintained the habit of tucking in my tummy and this has helped in sustaining a moderate waistline even as l increase in years.
Another striking instance was when l went in for my master’s degree. I told myself l would not stop my academic education until l had my doctorate degree. Sadly, before l finished the Masters’ programme, l came across several doctoral students who had been on it for upward of six years and were not near completion. I got discouraged and quietly finished my program and did not look back. My mental will bowed to the discouraging sights of struggling doctoral students. Luckily, years after, the dream came alive again and l began to nurse on it. Even after a professional master’s program, eight years after my first masters, l was still nursing the idea of a doctoral degree. Finally, fifteen years after my first masters’, I was going through the newspaper in my office when l came across a postgraduate admission advert of a private university. There and then, a strong desire to apply for a doctoral degree came over me and was so strong that l did not tell anybody so as not to get discouraged, particularly because of the high school fees. Being a civil servant should have been my worry, but l just felt strong in my mind that it would work out itself.
Honestly, from the time of my sending my application to getting admission, I did not have the money for the first year of the four and half years program and l did not want to further stress my husband who was paying school fees for my sons in private secondary school and private university. All the same, l was strongly determined to start it with complete trust that God would make the way as l went through the journey. With an undaunted mental will, He did beyond my expectations, with awesome colleagues, and lecturers that were as interested for us to complete the program as at when due as we were.
One may want to ask how l was able to overcome the initial financial hurdle. Like l said, with the burning passion in me and complete trust in God to provide the necessary fees, my eyes became open to certain opportunities of side hustle with two of my friends, which gave me added income to my salary. I immediately cut down on certain expenses like buying new clothes and frivolous social outings, and prioritised my needs, particularly as the school allowed for instalment payment of fees, over the semesters.
To become mentally strong is about shifting your whole perspective since it is human nature to be afraid of things that we cannot control or to crumble in the face of difficulty. It is the fight or flight response that is embedded in who we are. Unfortunately, once you are in that mindset you are giving your mental power away to a circumstance and the only power that you have is really the power of perception. And when you shift your perception and just feel like: I can handle this. I can do this. I can turn this around. I can use this to my good — then you gain that ability.
Mental strength is about knowing that you are creating your reality, just like l did as a young girl in secondary school. We create our reality through our thoughts, our beliefs, our actions, our habits. And sure, sometimes things happen out of our control, but most of the time, we do not go far away from achieving our dreams.
Hope Nwawolo, PhD