Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
I am here to eat my words, that is, to swallow my own vomit.
Back in time, I had written that it’s time for the Nigerian government to throw in the towel to save itself from further unnecessary punishment.
Now I make the necessary apologies by stressing that it’s actually the Nigerian people that should throw in the towel, not the government.
Any fellow with even the minutest knowledge of boxing knows that when a boxer takes too much punishment in the ring his manager throws in the towel.
This ends the fight, thus saving the boxer from further needless punishment that may even lead to death.
I think this boxing parlance has to be deployed in the larger interest of saving Nigerians from taking more atrocious punishment.
It’s very obvious that the Nigerian people did not prepare adequately for its fight with the plutocracy or kakistocracy or whatever they deem fit to call their tormentors.
My good friend and comrade Femi Falana, father of Falz the Bahd Guy, has made broadcast the fact that Nigeria is practicing plutocracy, not democracy.
If I can remember what my great teacher and comrade, Prof Biodun Jeyifo, the legendary BJ, taught me at Great Ife, plutocracy means government by the richest.
Now there are some white men allied to some hot-headed Nigerians who insist that Nigeria is actually practicing kakistocracy, that is, government by the worst.
Well, I am not here to settle the argument between plutocracy and kakistocracy, but what I do know is that Nigerians have been thoroughly battered worse than a punch-drunk boxer.
The great German playwright Bertolt Brecht wrote in one of his poems that if the rulers lose confidence in the ruled, the government can decide to elect another people.
In the circumstances there is no getting away from the fact that Nigerians are wobbling and fumbling, to borrow the phrase of football coach Fanny Amun when his team was being knocked from pillar to post.
From the sudden removal of fuel subsidy and the clandestine devaluation of the naira, it has been punches galore for hapless Nigerians.
The fixers and godfathers of the ruling regime should allow Nigerians to fetch a towel to throw instantly into the ring to save themselves from being knocked out cold.
This is not a laughing matter, and I am not laughing in this clear and present issue of urgent national concern.
I happen to be a boxing historian and I should know when a fighter is in serious trouble in the roped square.
Nigerians happen to be in the middle of one hell of a slugfest and have been caught napping in defending what is left of their battered selves.
Forget all the bluster from the toadies and bootlickers, Nigerians are unguarded, and the punches are coming relentlessly.
Nigerians have been reduced to trekking from Ikorodu to Victoria Island in Lagos, and from Umuchu to Awka in Anambra State.
Nigerians who famously trekked from Abuja to Lagos to welcome the coming of Buhari back then have lost the legs to trek.
Nigerians are legless against the current onslaught of left hooks and roundhouses and uppercuts.
This case of badly beaten Nigerians reminds me of what I heard through radio-without-battery that happened to a certain boxer from Umuahia-Ibeku known as Abraham Tonica who decided to take on the then world boxing champion Dick Tiger.
The fight was barely a couple of minutes old when Dick Tiger unleashed a series of wicked uppercuts and haymakers on the jaw and face of the bewildered Tonica.
Abraham Tonica of Umuahia Ibeku begged his manager to throw in the towel by screaming: “Ala Ibeku-e, ihea obu aka ka obu igwe?” which means: “Land of Ibeku, is this man hitting me with human hands or with iron and steel?”
The towel was promptly thrown into the ring and Tonica thus survived to live onto grand old age.
The long suffering Nigerians can learn a thing or two from Tonica on the art of throwing in the towel in the nick of time to save a cornered man’s life.
There is no sweetness in allowing Nigerians to continue with the fight now that the country is bankrupt whilst the opponents keep pummelling the people with blows and bombs and bazookas.
I don’t think it is worth the pains for Nigerians to insist on going the distance when we can no longer breathe.
Nigerians should quit like the American heavyweight boxer known as Max Baer who was accused of quitting too early while fighting the great Joe Louis.
The clownish Max Baer, after hurriedly throwing in the towel, replied his critics thusly: “If you wanted to actually watch the total annihilation of Max Baer you should have paid a lot more dollars!”
Now Nigerians can get together in unity to follow the lead of the American boxer by telling whole wide world: “We are throwing in the towel because there is no fight left in all of us!”
Yes, let’s fetch the towel and promptly throw it into the ring to save ourselves from the agony of total annihilation.
The government can then go ahead to elect another people to replace the almost totally annihilated Nigerians.
There is too much sense in my fat head, biko!