Hope Nwawolo, PhDBy Hope Nwawolo
She died chasing her husband with a side chick in his car! No doubt many people, especially the women, are blaming the deceased woman and so did this writer…at first. That was the first impulse and rightly so. However, after all the hues and cries, it may be necessary and logical to take another look at the action of the poor deceased woman. The saying goes that ‘’it is he who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches’’. Unfortunately, the woman is dead and gone and does not have the opportunity to explain the marital pinches that made her delve into such erratic chase. Perhaps a clinical psychologist may give a better analysis of her mental state before and during the hot chase. The public is just making assumptions that may be right or wrong, but the conclusion of the chase is that it was fatal and therefore uncalled for.
One basic understanding is that everyone has a level of mental or psychological state but the capability to withstand stress of any kind; marital, parenting, loss of a loved one, office and even something as seemingly little as peer taunts, is unique to each person. This is why some people take the suicide route as a way of escape from issues other people will see as not worth such drastic move. If only the dead can speak, it may be possible to find out from the dead woman what she had been going through before the fateful day, even when she physically looked above average in many ramifications. After all, she was a lawyer with a good looking husband, also a lawyer and undoubtedly beautiful children. The older generation will say, what else does a woman want? The present generation, will be quick to answer that a woman wants and needs much more than those.
Looking at the physical presentation of the dead woman, her picture suggests one who was up to date in her personal appearance and took time to take care of herself (her friends and family may attest to this). Perhaps, this was how everybody saw her while she was alive. Maybe she was one of those women that like to keep their marital issues to themselves just like the renowned singer, Osinachi, whose traumatic marital life experiences only came to fore when she gave up the ghost. Though it takes just a little pull to snap when dealing with issues that need psychological will power to overcome, Osinachi held on until life was snuffed out of her as a result of a kick. Her mental strength was beyond physical that even her spiritual father in church did not know what she was going through, but the world still blamed her for tolerating all she did from her husband.N
No woman who had gone through the pangs of labour will willingly want to die and leave her child or children to the care of another person. Even in poverty, many give out their children out of pressure but will always be on standby for them. Therefore how can a woman who was visibly doing well in her profession and home go into a hot chase after her husband and a side chick just to end her life? It therefore goes beyond public analysis and interpretations of the last action that took her life. Who knows how many hot chases had been going on in her home that may not even have been witnessed by her children? She may have had her own way of living through the hot mental chases in her home but just snapped at a slight issue or call as being suggested. Even if someone called her to tell her about her husband and the side chick or he lied to her about his where about, it may not have been the first time.
No woman who had gone through the pangs of labour will willingly want to die and leave her child or children to the care of another person. Even in poverty, many give out their children out of pressure but will always be on standby for them. Therefore how can a woman who was visibly doing well in her profession and home go into a hot chase after her husband and a side chick just to end her life? It therefore goes beyond public analysis and interpretations of the last action that took her life
As was the case of Osinachi and many unnamed women that have departed this world in similar circumstances, the noise on this hot chase that led to her death will soon filter away and life goes on. The only people that will live with the agony and trauma all their lives are the children and her immediate family members. The man will always have his family stand by him even if they speak against his action. His friends may reduce but some will naturally be there for him to cry visible tears of regret on their shoulders. And as the saying goes, time will heal the wound of his wife’s demise and he will pick up his life and if not with the side chic involved, with another woman, and move on with the rest of his life.
It is high time the women folk began to take more seriously their mental health and psychological stability in marriage and relationships generally. And beyond this, parents should orientate the girl child of her relevance as she journeys through life and faces diverse challenges. As a matter of fact, ensure to build the confidence of your children (male or female) so that when certain issues of life attempt to push them into mental or physical chases, they will put up good resistance and at best, take mental or physical walk from such issues.
*Hope Nwawolo, Ph.D.h
hopenwawolo@yahoo.com