Ms Omoh Giwa

By Omoh Giwa

Dear Mr Adesina,

Re: Heavens Won’t Fall, Nigerians Will Survive

I am displeased, aggravated and saddened by the recent turn of events amidst the tensions in Ukraine, the uncertainty of the ambiguous sanctions flying around and trying to maximise my laptop’s battery hence my refusal to inquire about your wellbeing.

If you are familiar with my musings, you would realise I am breaking protocol by addressing someone of your standing but I think I must pour my mind out before joining the queue at my neighbourhood petrol station.

I have been battling depression and panic attacks for the past few months though my Nigerian mother does not understand this kind of illness, especially the ones that locally-brewed herbal concoctions cannot handle. So imagine how my poor shattered mind received your goodwill message to the common man.

Before I bore you with my usual soliloquies, let me appreciate your effort to console us during these rough times especially when First Father has offered no conciliatory words or sympathy at our plight. Even you in your donkey years on earth cannot boast of witnessing a world war in your youth, so imagine how bothered we are. Is the Queen coming to draft us her subjects into her army? As a feminist, would I be expected to bear arms and defend the commonwealth of my colonial masters? These have been plaguing and beleaguering my mind as no one of great import has tried to assuage us except you. Now that this is out of the way, let me tell you what I think.

It is dawning on us that our elected leaders have no regard for the electorate but can they not pretend? Can this present administration not pretend that our wellbeing is a priority? Our Father is so unbothered about our feelings and opinions of him and it is alarmingly disturbing. Look at how the nationwide protest against police brutality was handled and swept under the rug; a nationwide gaslighting (even Hitler and Stalin would have been proud). If they pretended to care about our opinions why is Dubai the presidential abode for our First Lady? Is this a permanent or temporary development? Will she be returning to Nigeria after her husband’s regime? Please do not insult our intelligence by telling us of their unimaginable wealth that can be compared to the sands of deserts, but I remember when people crowd-funded our refurbished hero’s presidential ticket and campaign. So who is paying for this lavishly decorated suite and extended sojourn in the Middle East? Besides, this does not speak well for the patriarchy. Why would a virtuous wife abandon her wifely duties in da oda room?

There is a Nigerian saying that a mother cannot give her child a piece of yam that would burn his tongue yet this crop of leaders keep dishing piping hot yam with the intent to destroy our tongues from speaking out because how do we account for our incessant problems? We graduated from boko haram to Fulani bandits to kidnappings and now bank robbery. When will we have respite from this heavy cross we bear? Through February is associated with love, in the rant of a great musical philosopher, PHCN rip us off o! Dem no show us love o! As though to add insult to injury, we have not had fuel to power our generators and yet you tell us the heavens will not fall. Your statement reminds me of another saying: you cannot beat a child and control how he cries. Your employer of labour jetted off to his humble abode in London amidst the chaos in Nigeria. He can afford to abandon his duties quarterly for a ‘well-deserved rest’ yet the common Nigerian cannot find rest in his one-bedroom apartment (the good book says there is no peace for the wicked)? I think he should take a direct approach like it is rumoured about the Cameroonian president that governs his country from a luxury suite in France; a multi-tasking president that can vacation and govern the most populous black nation simultaneously.

Then to rub our wounds even sorer, you admonish us saying: Heavens won’t fall, Nigerians will survive. Is this your idea of survival? People are dropping dead like flies and you speak of survival? Professionals are absconding en masse as though escaping a Nazi concentration camp and you speak to us of survival. Even police brutality activist, Segalink is rumoured to have left the country and you speak to us of survival? You insult us when you quote bible passages (like colonialism that came on the heels of religion and subdued slaves with the same religion) and ask us to put our hope in God as though the Almighty was the one who campaigned and promised heaven and earth in 2015. Even Ebele in all his weakness will never have dared to displace his responsibilities and duties to God. Did Jesus campaign and promise to increase our GDP or provide better living conditions? If your loyalists knew your campaign promise was to deliver them to God this soon, they probably would not have voted for you. You promised to defeat terrorism in the Northeast but we have armed men robbing several banks on the same day. What about the foreign exchange rate to our naira? Was this your intention for the country or are you ready to admit failure? You speak to us of existential challenges as though lack of basic amenities, insecurity or failure to deliver on campaign promises and fuel scarcity is an existential crisis. Remember when you (by you I mean the opposition) incited Nigerians and the NLC to Occupy Nigeria because someone proposed to increase pump price yet you have increased pump price several times now and are speaking to us about existential challenges?

Yes, though the heavens won’t fall, Hell has arisen and we are feeling every satanic whip and burn. Honourable Presidential Aide, please ask your hangman to loosen the noose around our necks it is obstructing this Amala from going smoothly.

Yours in Sorrow,

Giwa writes from the University of Lagos