By Ena Ofugara
If like many, you do not really understand what is going on with Russia and Ukraine, dear slay queen, as usual, I GOT YOU as you got us on those boring nights on Instagram when you shake your buttocks.
Ukraine was married to Russia. Russia had so many wives and concubines. But you, Ukraine, were the favourite. You have oil and large land and all the nuclear bombs were kept in your house.
Then Russia became broke and could not keep all his wives, so he knew he was going to divorce you all, he removed all the nuclear bombs and valuable things from you, leaving you poor and spoke one big English called GLASNOST AND PERESTROIKA and ultimately, Russia left all of his women, including you and became a bachelor again. Russia did not care how you ate or paid rent or lived. Russia even began flirting with other women like Syria and Turkey etc and because MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR with Belarus as the only ex-wife who still cared about her. All the rest of my ex-wives hate him (I wonder why.)
But Russia was also a rapist. Now and then he went into a former wife’s house like CRIMEA and raped her. Crimea has been crying, traumatized by a forceful returning husband that rapes her without vaseline.
Now you Ukraine, you started finding hour feet. And as a slay queen, you begin romancing with other dudes who give you money and food and opportunities. Your economy is now strong, from all the other men you are romancing with, including America, your ex-husband’s arch enemy.
And your ex-husband Russia is angry. He says you must no longer have anything to do with other men, especially these OBI CUBANA-like BIG BOYS called NATO. They are not trusted by anyone. They are using power and wealth to confuse the world.
But, you notice that your ex-husband Russia is trying to come and rape you like he is raping CRIMEA. Many people say that the world had divided you to RUSSIA as their “sphere of influence”, so you Ukraine cannot LIVE YOUR LIFE. That Russia can romance you and make you surk anything whenever he feels like.
But like most abused women, you rather DIE in your desire NEVER TO GO BACK. You assert your independence and are READY TO DIE than go to that abusive ex-husband.
And so you go with NATO-CUBANA and your ex-husband begin to burn your hair saloon and shop and even try to kill your children. He is ready to kill himself and all
men in the world. He has carried his gun and shooting.
But NATO-CUBANA, your new rich boyfriend’s gang have a response. They are making your ex-husband into the AGBERO- MC OLUOMO that he is. He cannot come and mix up with them anymore. They will make sure his BUSES have no passengers. Anyone associated with your ex-husband, they are seizing all their property around the world. Chelsea football club, owned by your ex-husband’s smallie, Abramovic is gone. Even other Agberos like the Taliban is telling your ex-husband to calm down and you all should discuss.
But you Ukraine, slay queen are reasy to die than follow that selfish bastard ex-husband
Russia, your ex-husband believes there is an agreement that nobody will romance his ex-wives and that his ex-wife will affect his security as your compound is too close to his bedroom and he cannot allow the sex sounds to disturb him in his bedroom that is close by. He does not feel safe or comfortable
NATO, those OBI CUBANA guys are still spraying money. The last American president tried to divide them and weaken them. He and your ex-husband were besties. If it was he in power, you would have been raped at will and the world will say NOTHING. But this new guy is OLD AND WISE and has UNITED THE WORLD noiselessly and made NATO-CUBANA rich and relevant again and they are spraying money and you, Ukraine, as a slay queen, MUST GO WHERE THE MONEY DEY.
So the fight is on. Ex-husband trying to kill you, while your new boyfriends, try to stop him without directly fighting the DANGEROUS AGBERO/THUG.