By Fred Chukwuelobe
Imagine an exam question being, ‘name one human being who is shameless, inept and loquacious’, and you write: ‘FKK’.
The lecturer will not score you any marks. He would be so excited at the correctness of your answer that he’d invite you for a dinner, be at the door to receive you, fete you sumptuously and afterwards see you off with a big envelope. Then he’d score you the following morning.
Boom! Summa cum laude! That will be the result.
He would be so excited at your answer, just like our lecturer in MSc class in UNILAG, was in June 1998 when the goggled one died; he jumped into the class as we were revising for our exams, so ecstatically that we thought he had been named the new vice chancellor.
No, he had not; he had just learnt of the death of the man who held this nation by the throat and was transmuting into a life president. He proceeded to ask us to vote whether to continue with the exam or go home and celebrate.
Trust students preparing for an exam. Tension in the exam hall and we saw an opportunity to postpone the palpable tension. So, we voted unanimously to join him in rejoicing that Gen. Sani Abacha had died.
Yes, we rejoiced at the death of a fellow human being. I’m sure some people would want a deja vu sort of now. Na una sabi (it’s your business)
Anyway, everybody must die someday. But we must learn to mourn with those mourning and rejoice with those rejoicing for every criminal has relations, friends and is somebody’s benefactor. Yet, we should live well so that when we die, nobody will rejoice or lie on our behalf.
As loquacious and as shameless as FKK is, he, too, has admirers. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been ushered into the nation’s seat of power in grand style where he went to eat his stinking vomit.
I remember a once popular British Situation Comedy (Sitcom) television series of the 70s: “Some Mothers Do Have Them” (1973 – 1978), featuring Michael Crawford as ‘Frank Spencer’.
“It was an expression of reproval of someone for being foolish or inept”. It was comic, yet, serious and in FKK’s case of today, it is even much more so. Take him as a comedian of poor repute.
“The series follows the accident-prone Frank Spencer and his tolerant wife, Betty, through Frank’s various attempts to hold down a job, which frequently ends in disaster. The sitcom was noted for its stuntwork, performed by Crawford himself, as well as featuring various well-remembered and much lampooned catchphrases, that have become part of popular culture. In a 2004 poll to find Britain’s Best Sitcom, Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em came 22nd.”
So, despite that millions watched it and it was broadcast in over 60 countries, its rating years after still fell short of high marks.
Comedy of poor repute: FKK. That was the judgment.
Shameless. Loquacious. Inept. Characterless.
*Fred Chukwuelobe is a journalist, PR consultant and public affairs analyst