Let’s Sell Nigeria Today

National Assembly

By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu

Nigeria as a country has served all its useful and useless purposes, and must perforce be sold for good.
I have spoken.
I cannot just understand the piecemeal selling of the assets of Nigeria in the name of monopoly capitalism of cement, salt and sugar.
As far as I am in the spirit it should be more profitable selling the entire country in one fell swoop.
There would be no shortage of buyers.
It is no longer a rumour that a good number of Nigerians are richer than the country, and it is my prayer that these rich Nigerians should be made to bid for the exclusive ownership of the entire country.
The amount of money to be made from such a competitive bidding will raise so much money as to erase all world records.
With the money made Nigerians can then enjoy life aplenty under the ownership of one businessman.

Uzor Maxim Uzoatu

Rich mens children enjoy, dont they?
Those Nigerians who refuse to be owned by one rich man should be shipped across borders as IDPs.
I am sure a business guru like Alhaji Aliko Dangote will be very much interested in buying the entire country.
The catch is that the BUA man, Abdulsamad Isyaku Rabiu, would try to match Dangote dollar for dollar, cement for cement, salt for salt, and sugar for sugar.
I am afraid this war may not be as sweet as sugar!
Chief Mike Adenuga of GLO fame may even decide to get into the fray and dust all competitors with per second bidding, sorry, billing!
The billionaire ex-governors, especially the one that is dying to be president, can pay anything to own Nigeria inside a bullion van.
Now is the time to cash in by making these super-duper rich Nigerians to pay good money to acquire the country.
Ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo has earned a reputation as a redoubtable acquirer of properties, and what better package of real estate can there be to grab than the vastness of all of Nigeria instead of just Otta Farm!
Imagine the amount of money to be raised in this kind of competitive bidding for the buying and selling of Nigeria!
Why the selling of Nigeria is so crucial today is that no less an excellent Excellency than Governor Godwin Obaseki of Edo State has just revealed that the country has resorted to printing money to make ends meet.
According to Governor Obaseki, Nigeria printed all of N60 billion for the states to share last month.
Lets not forget that printing money used to be the style of Idi Amin Dada of Uganda, the conqueror of the British Empire.
Well, instead of reducing the Central Bank Governor Godwin Emefiele to an ordinary printer, that is printer of money, he should be saddled with the greater task of fact-checking the accounts of the potential buyers of Nigeria.
We should not be left with dud cheques after Nigeria had been bought and sold.
The selling of Nigeria should be done in a scrupulous manner so that what happened in one Southeast town should not befall Nigeria.
A Catholic church of one town across the Niger that shall remain nameless was having its annual bazaar sales.
A new boy from nowhere appeared on the scene and bought all the items and attracted a crowd of praise-singers and otimkpus who promptly nicknamed him Unbeatable!
After buying a new item the crowd would shout Unbeatable, and the church workers would promptly offer him a full roast chicken which he regularly passed on to his praise-singers for prompt mastication.
After buying up all the items on display, Unbeatable asked the church workers to organize a bus to send the materials to his home, and it was promptly done.
Money answereth all things, as the Good Book says in Ecclesiastes.
Now this: when the goodies were delivered to his house, the mother of the new kid on the block raised an instant alarm: My son has no job. Please tell the reverend father to come and take back the materials for my son cannot pay for them even in two hundred years.
Of course the materials were taken back, but the unrepentant Unbeatable was still upbeat when he told anybody willing to listen: If anybody thinks what I did is easy, let him step forward to break my record!
In this record-breaking business of selling Nigeria, some buyers of Nigeria may come up with a 419 strategy not unlike that of Unbeatable.
They must be beaten to their game through what the economic politicos call due diligence as to be performed by Governor Emefiele of the CBN.
The clear and present danger is that if Nigeria is not sold fast enough, China that loaned so much money to the country may end up taking over the Giant of Africa before our very korokoro eyes.
It is there in the books that we signed off our sovereignty in taking the loans.
I do know that a large number of the super patriots of Nigeria are already up in arms with me for advocating the wholesale selling of Nigeria.
My only answer for these Nigerian patriots can only be found in the old words of Samuel Johnson, to wit: Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
There is no yakking patriotism in the matter: Nigeria is long overdue for sale.