Tuesday, August 28, 2018 4:20 pm
By Hope Eghagha
Musa: What are those mad boys doing in Abuja?
Emeka: Who are the mad boys in Abuja? The alimajiri?
Musa: Have you not heard about the siege on the National Assembly by hooded scoundrels?
Titilayo: Well, the legislators are also alimajiris, parasites on the national coffers!
Musa: Sharp mouth! Be talking there. I won’t be there when they legislate you out of existence!
Titilayo: They won’t do such a thing. It’s the executive arm that is likely to arrest and detain people out of existence!
Musa: Na you sabi fa! I’m talking about the attempted coup against the Nigerian people!
Emeka: I heard something about it; but I was more interested in my personal affairs, my container that has been stuck in Lagos because of the congestion. Those people don’t deserve my attention!
Onome: Well, I think they all deserve what is happening to them. They have placed us under siege for too long! Let them be placed under siege too and rot in prison.
Musa: Haba! Onome, you are really angry!
Onome: Yes; I’m deeply angry. Most Nigerians are angry. Why they have not marched on the National Assembly baffles me. Let them be under siege forever till their grandmothers die in misery.
Bankole: It’s deeper than that. It’s not the people who are placing them under siege. They are fighting a battle of self preservation, a battle to stay in office.
Titilayo: It’s that not what we all do? Fight for survival! Self interest!
Bankole: If the people marched on the National Assembly, for example, to demand for re-structuring or a better deal on health, I would support the siege. But when hooded rascals from the Department of State Security seal off the National Legislative House to pursue a selfish goal, it is treason, it’s a coup!
Onome: They should be charged to court!
Emeka: Good a thing the Acting President acted promptly
Bankole: Yes oo. He is always on point when Baba is not in town! As soon as Baba returns Snail Mode will be activated again!
Musa: Which one is Snail mode? We don’t eat snails in the north ooo!
Onome: We eat snails in the Delta!
Emeka: Hahahahahahahahahaha! Hohohohohohoho! Kwakwakwakwakwa! I’m laughing in Igbo and Hausa!
Musa: What is funny?
Titilayo: I tire for una country ooo! Make we restructure jor!
Musa: Re-structure? What are you restructuring?
Onome: Restructure so that parasites will struggle to develop their own resources and contribute to the common pool!
Musa: You hear this man?
Emeka: Musa, calm down! Bankole only used restructuring as an example; he means if there was a protest on issues that affected all of us it would be understandable.
Musa: I see. Restructuring will not favour me fa!
Onome: The current system has not favoured my people!
Bankole: Restructuring the country will favour all of us, all ethnic groups!
Musa: But we don’t have oil in the north!
Bankole: That is the point. You don’t have oil but you have yams, tomato, cows and other areas of strength!
Musa: See your mouth! We are talking about crude oil and you are talking about tomato. How much is tomato in the global market.
Emeka: That is where you are wrong, see your nose!
Bankole: Nothing to quarrel about. We need to educate ourselves. We need to understand. The average northerner seems to believe that restructuring the country targets the north negatively. It is not true.
Musa: What is not true?
Bankole: If we restructure, the north will develop its own wealth and adopt a constitution that allows any peculiarities that the north adopts.
Musa: Well, the real issue was not restructuring. I will think about what you have said. What is Saraki doing in the National Assembly?
Onome: He is scheming to be President!
Musa: That one want to be president too? Na wa oooo!
Titi: Why not? He is a university graduate, in fact, a medical doctor and has all his certificates to present for inspection!
Bankole: Titi! Titi! Titi! How many times have I called your name?
Titi: Wasn’t counting.
Bankole: Don’t let your tongue get you into Daura’s lock-up facility!
Titi: Daura’s reign is over!
Emeka: If I may answer Musa, Saraki is presiding over the Senate and checking the excesses of the President.
Musa: He is interested in upstaging the President. Period! Having crossed from APC to PDP why has he not resigned?
Bankole: Hehehehehehe! When politicians defected from PDP to be the darlings of the APC under President Jonathan they were not asked to resign!
Onome: The man has claimed to fight corruption; but his associates are not clean at all!
Emeka: What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander!
Titilayo: The man may kuku make a better President than all these rigid soldiers! And he is handsome too!
Onome: He won’t befriend you! So stop day dreaming!
Titilayo: What have I done?
Emeka: Hear what you are saying when we are discussing State matters.
Titi: Na where dey pain person dem dey put near fire! State matter will not put food on my table.
Onome: So his handsomeness will put food on your table?
Titi: If he sees me, sees my curves and beautiful face second wife don come be dat!
Onome: Don’t let his wife catch you sha!
Titi: The man is a Muslim. He is allowed to marry four wives!
Bankole: I feel sorry for this country. Not one of them is doing what they are doing for Nigeria. It’s for their pockets! They talk about billions as if it’s just ten naira!
Emeka: But do you realise that tension will drop once Baba anoints a younger person within the APC to succeed him?
Musa: Even me too; I think he should just step aside and go look after his health. He can remain a moral force and be our own Mandela!
Bankole: Now you are talking. His poor health has made it difficult for him to be fully in charge of the country. He has good intentions; but good intentions are not enough!
Emeka: There are too many powerful people around him who do not want him to give up power. His wife Aisha is forthright; she has complained about the hangers-on who have hijacked power.
Bankole: Even the former DSS oga did not help matters!
Musa: I believe Baba does not like firing people who are loyal to him even if they are corrupt or inept! He is too soft when it comes to people who are close.
Emeka: That is not good enough; corruption is corruption! See the way he has been silent over his Finance Minister who is accused of faking the NYSC exemption certificate!
Titi: That one tire me sef. The woman just siddon there dey blow grammar like say she dey London. Ordinary certificate from NYSC she no get. I hope she get degree certificate sha!
Emeka: Titi! The lady is a university graduate!
Titi: Na you sabi. Me I get NYSC certificate and university degree yet I don’t have a job!
Onome: You still have to go to the School of Manners!
Emeka: I have a meeting to attend.
Bankole: Why can’t we as citizens agree on anything?
Onome: It’s because we have not been able to define and accept our nation!