Tunde Asaju

What are these Americans always trying to prove? So Admiral Joseph P Aucoin, head of the US 7th Fleet with its headquarters in Japan has resigned. He finally took the bullet for accidents that have happened under his command. He held himself vicariously liable because officers and ratings were under his command. According to real news endorsed by Donald Trump, Admiral Aucoin’s resignation was approved several months before it was due. As Dan Agbese my boss would say, he considered himself too accident-prone. Under his watch, four collisions were recorded involving American ships outside their territorial waters. America does what it does best – policing the world!

The latest collision happened in Singapore involving a fuel tanker flying the Liberian flag. Casualties were recorded, of sailors and civilians with some yet to be accounted for. Indian officers do the same, but in Naija, pot-bellied generals with bloody records are pulled out with full military honours and special prayers for a job well done.

The sort of news should be shocking to General Brutal, the snake-farmer who recently vowed to serve Naija with his life while keeping his houses in Dubai. General Brutal was one of the first visitors to London at the time that Sai Baba was there although there was no evidence that he visited his convalescing commander-in-chief. He did visit the Bush House to announce the formal internment of Boko Haram.

Anyway, Sai Baba the King is back home and as Femi Adeshina missed the opportunity to frighten the little mouse in Naija house in London, he is missing another opportunity in Naija. Fake news vows that rats have sacked the president from his desk at a time when Babagrasscutter Lawal’s fate is left hanging. The expertise of the man who could cut the grass at the displaced people’s camp for millions is now needed to get Sai Baba back to his desk. Let’s annul the suspension on him and bring his expertise to work.

But it is safer for Sai Baba to work from the comfort of Sai Mama’s kitchen, away from jackals and hyenas. In helping me deal with ophidiophobia, shrinks reassure that most humans suffer from phobias. When those affected by ophidiophobia find themselves in the company of those who suffer from murophobia, they find themselves in good company.

Since Sai Baba’s return, he has recalled the chiefs of his security from the exile in Haramistan where Yemi Osinbajo banished them. He has ordered them to redouble their efforts in dealing with the rump of Shekau’s men. In Sai Baba’s mind, both Boko Haram and Shekau have been defeated. If Kasim Shettima or anybody else has a contrary view, they can’t voice out with the army ready to tackle anyone on social media more than those throwing bombs. Boko Haram stories hardly jolt the world as much as two people wounded in a knife attack in a country where life is worth something to its leaders. When your president declares pre-emptive victory, which other leader could hold a better view? Only America!

Succinctly Sai Baba ordered his service chiefs to keep up the façade and ignore the actuality. This too, is change we can feel. The villa basically ignores attacks on soft targets. By the way soft targets refers to the disposable lot. Consequently, service chiefs would henceforth tune their radar to hate speakers (and writers) except Boko Haram. Already, the army has established a special unit to comb social media for inappropriate speeches (and writing). I see hard times ahead for the PDP who never see anything good in APC and people like Phoney Kayode and Digbolugi Fayose.

So, if Americans think that just because we plagiarised their constitution, our generals automatically carry vicarious conscience, they are wrong. The only Naija generals that need to resign for dereliction of duty are those with the DNA of jackals or hyenas. The others can keep their jobs because it is still lucrative to be a Naija general than an American sergeant major.

Feedback:
Re-I Love This Trump
Good day greetings from Zaria the land of my birth.

I’ve come to understand that America is indeed a complicated country and to live with Trump for two reasons. First, I know if not through impeachment, he will remain President until next election and that he will continue to upset the American establishment by his political incorrectness.
Secondly, his relentless commitment to fighting terror will help us defeat Boko Haram here at home. My main worry on the future of Nigeria is neither corruption, nor IPOB, nor the Niger Delta militants but the bloodthirsty bastards who have no regard for the sanctity of the human life.
You have to understand how global geopolitics work. Black people rank at the bottom of human importance. If Nigeria were to be wiped off the earth today, there could be murmurings in global capitals, but try killing 100 Jews, believe me, America will mobilise all her military might for war to defend Israel. And this also accounts for why black people are constantly killed by the white police in the US.
No African leader can call the US president when a black or African is killed. The Chinese President will do so if a Chinese is killed. Ultimately, I am inclined to believe Trump will bring the destruction of America very soon. And it will start with internal rumblings and convulsions never seen in history. No Empire lasts forever.

Sanusi Maiwada
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