A Mother’s Advice for Tough Times

Grace Essen


By Grace Essen

At a time like this when things are generally tough due to the economic recession Nigeria is currently facing, cost of living is at all time high. With the yuletide around the corner many can’t afford to shop for themselves and their loved ones as before. Today, I thought to share a simple story about the carrot, egg, and coffee – items we can find easily around your kitchen, in the hopes that after reading it you will look at things a little differently, if you haven’t read the story before that is, and if you have maybe this could serve as a subtle reminder of the lessons therein.

“A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as when one problem was solved, a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.””Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?” Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?” Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.”

It was Robert Schuller who said Tough times never last but tough people do. Tough people aren’t necessarily the ones who seem to have tough appearances outwardly, nor are they people with answers to every life issue, they are simply those who choose to see the brighter side of things when they are really down and they hang in there long enough.

A time like this calls for serious life adjustments and keeping up with the Jones will be a bad idea. What sense will it make for parents to go shopping for new clothes and new shoes for their children, and embark on trips to exotic places this yuletide when they really cannot afford it and then three weeks after (in January) they wouldn’t have enough money to pay their children’s school fees, not to talk of fees owed the previous term?

We can do away with the pressure and the huge weight that come with the need to impress and focus instead on having a quiet, peaceful and yet joyful Christmas and strengthening the family bond. This too shall pass!

Check out Grace’s blog @Mum2MumAfrica.com. You may reach Grace on 08061367203, or via email: gracessen@gmail.com.
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