Grace Essen
Last week’s discourse was on why we moms should care about how we look. I listed three reasons why it’s important we pay attention to our appearance. In case you missed it, here’s a quick summary.
Many of us women think that once we are married, we are married, so we no longer try to keep up the fabulous look – the stress is just too much and we just couldn’t be bothered. This is a huge mistake. We often encourage infidelity in our men when we neglect our looks, and we don’t even realize that. So our spouse is number one reason we should look good!
The second reason is our children. We want them to be proud of us, especially when they are with their friends. I heard about a mom who went to visit her daughter in a boarding school, the girl refused to come out and meet her. After waiting endlessly, she dropped the items she brought with her daughter’s friends and left. The girl’s reason was that her mother’s appearance embarrasses her.
Also, by staying beautiful, healthy and fit we are telling our kids do the same. Thirdly, we live in a society where appearance is a big deal. Your appearance tells much more about you (and faster too) than your words can. If you want to advance in your career or business or even get a job, want to make a good impression all the time because you never know when or where the next big deal or ‘open door’ might meet you.
One day I ran into a mom friend and one look at what she was wearing I couldn’t help but ask if she left her home wearing that, and she wasn’t even driving – it’s easy to hide a bad outfit when you’re in a car! She took another look at her outfit and she said even her four year old had asked, “Mummy are you going out like that?”
In trying to look trendy we sometimes take it a bit too far. What do I mean? Have you ever seen mature women, mothers, dressed in what could easily pass for a teenage outfit – outfits too short they keep pulling it down in an attempt to cover their thighs, some necklines too low it reveals much more than is considered decent, outfits too tight and revealing? For instance I see women wear leggings with small tops and it looks inappropriate especially on mature women, when a big top would cover the bum area and improve their overall appearance.
Mothers indeed have more than a fair share of struggle with their looks because the society, particularly the media, has sold us an image we all have come to accept as ‘Ms Ideal’ – young, thin and sexy looking. And when after childbirth we don’t look anything like Ms Ideal, we see ourselves as unattractive, out-of-shape, not smart enough, not sexy, old … We begin to feel so insecure we try to dress to show that we still got it, that we are still sexy and young and all of that. That is okay but in doing so, we unconsciously go overboard that instead of appearing young, attractive, and sexy, we look desperate, ridiculous and old.
Even the very people we are trying hard to impress (our spouses and children for instance) are put off. Here are a few areas we get it wrong and some tips to get them right: *Accept your new status: There is a certain kind of beauty that is attributed to a woman who has had children; her body is not expected to be same. Maybe the age long comparison between us and women who haven’t gone through childbirth only exist in our minds! We have to accept and live with the truth that the change that comes after childbirth is largely irreversible and then focus on improving what we can.
*Don’t get stuck in the past: Generally, women that are unhappy with their age and looks try to mimic the look they had 10 years ago but that only makes them look older! Rather than trying to make yourself look younger with the wrong outfit try to enhance your beauty instead. In addition to the right outfits, steer clear of dated techniques – thick lip liner, heavy black under-eye liner and over-plucked eyebrows, as these will all add years to your face.
*Less is more: Don’t overcomplicate your makeup. Go for a look that is simple you don’t need much more to get a beautiful, natural and fresh look. Put away the heavy-duty makeup. As you get older, less is more.
*Check your motivation: When you dress, do it for yourself. Aim to make the right impression all the time. Don’t dress for revenge or to get at a spouse you suspect is looking outside! Dress in a way that you are “at peace” with yourself, so when you step out you are not only comfortable but also confident that you command respect and are getting attention for the right reasons.
Please feel free to share your thoughts with me. Thank you!
You may reach Grace via email: gracessen@gmail.com. You can also connect with her on twitter @GraceEssen, on Facebook, and also follow her blog @Mum2MumAfrica.com.