Grace Essen:
“When we yell at children in public, we do a great deal to damage their young hearts and minds without realising it. One mom had a habit of yelling at her children whenever she came to pick them from school, often attracting attention of pupils, teachers and other parents alike…Our goal, I believe, is to raise confident adults, and yelling at them or belittling them in public is not the way to go. So let’s try to maintain our composure until a more appropriate time and place.”
By Grace Essen.
Every child at some point has been embarrassed by their parents – us. We may not like to admit it but it’s true. Some of the situations are funny, most of them annoying and others, weird. Relationships still stay unaffected, as many kids just shrug them off as one of those things moms do, they feel like they are left with no choice but to bear with us, but quite a number suffer in fear of what we’ll do next. I will share some scenarios, and if we are to be totally honest we will find we all are guilty at least one of them. The idea at the end of the day is for us to give these ideas some thought and perhaps consider some lifestyle improvements.
A mom was too quick to announce to everyone who cared to listen that her daughter had gained admission into one of the unity schools in the country. And then it seemed there was a hitch in the admission process and so the child couldn’t resume at the time others did. To avoid being embarrassed, the mom locked her child up in the house, and told neighbours the child had gone to school. When the poor child couldn’t bear it any longer, she used the phone her mom had left with her to call friends to tell them her mom locked her up all alone in the house.
Another mom after she thought she was done with child bearing, soon had another baby. The boy was so dear to her she had him on her back everywhere she went, even when the older children offered to stay with him. She carried this boy on her back even after the boy turned 2; it became embarrassing even to the other children. She finally opened up to say that tying the baby on her back made it possible to hide her protruding tummy.
One mom, a trader, on her first visit to her son’s school had no idea that her dressing mattered. She went to the school in the company of her friend dressed like she was going to the market, to make matters worse, one of her slippers cut right in the school premises, and she had to hold it in her hand and walked with only one slipper on. Her son totally embarrassed, slipped quietly beside his mommy’s friend so his classmates would think she was his mom.
Sometimes when we discipline our children we tend to go overboard, call it Transfer of Aggression. I once had a terrible experience and thereafter went to pick my kids from school. Unfortunately (for my son) on our way out, he did something I considered unacceptable. I can’t quite remember what it was (that is to say it was not worth anything). I descended on the boy as if he was the cause of my frustration. I could see the embarrassment on his face, because we were still within the school vicinity.
Other things kids find very embarrassing:
Yelling at them in public. If there is any change we all must make, it’s this one. When we yell at children in public, we do a great deal to damage their young hearts and minds without realizing it. One mom had a habit of yelling at her children whenever she came to pick them from school, often attracting attention of pupils, teachers and other parents alike. One would wonder if they offended her while they were in class. Our goal, I believe, is to raise confident adults, and yelling at them or belittling them in public is not the way to go. So let’s try to maintain our composure until a more appropriate time and place.
Wearing age-inappropriate clothes. I met a mom one day and from the way she was dressed, I couldn’t help but ask if she left home like that. She said her 7-year old asked her the same question! It’s true that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but whether we realize it or not, how we dress tell people how to think of us.
Treating them like little kids in a front of their friends. When our children were babies we would wipe their runny noses because they couldn’t do it themselves. But when we do similar things when they are grown, we make them feel like they aren’t big or old enough to care for themselves. So moms, let’s control ourselves, and resist the urge to treat them like they are still babies in front of their friends or even our friends.
Trying to befriend our children on Facebook is one of the many things we do that is likely to leave them writhing in embarrassment? We really don’t have to be their ‘friends’ to monitor what they do online.
We are also guilty of:
Being too loud and drawing attention to ourselves and them (also screaming their names)
Telling embarrassing stories about them (moms are exceptionally notorious for this!)
Failing to grasp modern technology…
What other embarrassing things moms do have I left out?
You may reach Grace via email: gracessen@gmail.com. You can also follow her on twitter @GraceEssen and also follow her blog @Mum2MumAfrica.com.