Meanwhile, if that be the case, we must extend this emerging illogic to its very conclusion. To begin with, the presidential team must rotate places mid way through their constitutional term of office. So both are main ticket leads. The first one, the Christian, must rule as president for two years and then reverts to the role of vice-president in the second part of the term. During this second phase of their tenure, the second lead, the Muslim, serves as the president. Further in the spirit of this peculiar balance in Nigeria, every Nigerian soldier should only be made to serve under the command of a superior officer who shares the same faith with him. A Christian general cannot be trusted to command a Muslim soldier. Likewise, a Muslim officer should not command a Christian soldier to his death.

In every Nigerian establishment, where the head is a Muslim dripping in his Koranic verses, or an Orisa adherent or a tongue-twisting Christian, the deputy must be of either of the remaining two religious faiths. And the well-entrenched principle of rotation must apply across the board throughout Nigeria. Consistency requires predictability, so we cannot afford to be selective in the delicate balancing and convenient rotation of privileges. It is probably more practical that we have two deputies in any state or national structure to ensure that we accommodate all the three major religious traditions in the set up.

We must throw into the mix our omnipresent ethno-regional considerations while we ensure that there is proportional gender representation in every establishment. In this formula to dig in all our perceived differences and clashing stakes, representation has to be exactly calculated to ensure that at the end of the day, each constituency’s demographic strength is proportionally reflected in the pool of national offices allocated. Finally, the age structure of Nigeria should be reflected in public appointments. Why should the young trust their future to a reputably bankrupt generation of lost old men?

The great cause for concern is that, in the midst of all this cancerous comprehensive dilapidation of our country, intellectuals with hitherto proven sterling pedigree descend into the gutter of truly nonsensical advocacy of unreason and illogic. To cap it all, our villages, towns and cities must take stock of all places of worship and ensure that they reflect the exact registered demographics of the various religious adherents in that village, town or city. Better still, we may borrow a leaf from apartheid and segregate our social spaces along religious lines. To make this workable, let us enjoin ourselves to strengthen our religious credentials by renouncing our siblings and parents who have wandered across the strict religious aisles.

In fact, let’s drive them from our ancestral homes. It is the only way to guarantee our blissful reception to the Christian heaven or be assured of the unfathomable sweetness of innumerable virgins in our ascent to Aljanah!

Nothing illustrates the descent of Nigeria to this surreal realm than the outcome of the last constitutional conference. The conference of arguably Nigeria’s best brains, and the most experienced, decided to recommend the creation of 18 more states. Nigeria would have 54 states because the conference sought to placate minorities in an already stretched fractious political system. This is reflective of our national penchant to seek the easiest way out of every predicament. Yet these solutions are neither the most efficient nor most effective nor the most imaginative.

And it is poor political economy. In the projected new 54 state structure would emerge new minorities that have to be pacified by the next conference that should take place before the end of this decade. In the same vein, what happens if a Catholic is first to be on the presidential ticket in the first cycle, how do you guarantee that a pentecostalist Christian is given the opportunity on the ticket the next time. These convenient compromises that undermine the already difficult drive to nationhood should be brought to a rude stop. Nigeria has become an exemplar of controversial and ultimately failed social experimentation for half a century. Let’s give the future a hope