Tunde Asaju

By Tunde Asaju

It beats rational imagination that people wouldn’t stop sniffing Sai Baba’s integrity behind. Every mammal that feels the need to go returns with a residue even if they washed with water instead of tissue paper. Attempts at verifying their cleanliness down there always leads to a predetermined outcome.

All these stories about ministers who skipped their NYSC posting might leave Sai Baba with nobody to work with. Integrity doesn’t care! Donald Trump dodged the draft five times but nobody heckles him about that. It sure didn’t disqualify him from becoming the most powerful person on earth. The stones that cracks the heads of small men become walls around the man who tells anyone caring to listen that he is the most populous American president of all times.

Imagine the scandal that levelled Harvey Weinstein and other global wheeler-dealers have bounced off Trump’s golf stick. People married to immigrants in America hardly raise their heads, but Trump sniggers at immigrants fully conscious of his own roots and the inexplicable status of his in-laws. Trump revels in his ever-rising popularity ratings. Why Sai Baba can’t enjoy that kind of immunity beats the imagination of those in Aso Rock and loyal Sai Babarians.

So, Communications Minister, Ustaz Abdur-Raheem Adebayo Shittu dodged the NYSC. The lawyer who has barely put his theory to practice doesn’t deny it. No, he flips it away with a cock-and-bull story about the electoral office he occupied in the year he ought to be serving his fatherland being good enough for national service. The NYSC Act does not support that bunkum of course, but when you’re in a government of integrity and have earned the support of your president, the law becomes whatever you make of it.

But for Bukola Saraki’s intransigence, it wouldn’t have been out of place to change the NYSC Act to include an expansion of the definition of national service to include any service that the dodger is engaged in lieu of service. That might include stints as cashier in Mama Cass or Mr. Biggs – service is service. I don’t see Ustaz being prosecuted or feeling any need to resign over this little trouble. Not so soon after Omoge Kemi has stopped trending. I don’t see Sai Baba firing him at a time when every political capital is needed to win the next selection. Trader-moni is buying off the state of Osun, Shittu absolution should be enough for Oyo.

For as long as Ustaz remains in APC, he should keep his job and the reporters digging out all these stories should remember that there are no Pulitzers to be won in this country for investigative reporting.

It so happens that those who are disgraced from public office here eventually find their notoriety making ways for them internationally. Local notoriety is a stepping-stone for greater heights. While reporters and critics barely eke out a living, Abdurasheed Maina has grown gubernatorial posters.

For all the heckling of Kemi Adeosun, she may get a seat on the Brexit negotiating council and end up becoming Britain’s chancellor of the exchequer. She has garnered the experience and courage under fire. No NYSC is required in the UK. So, if one may ask as they do in Ibadan – who NYSC don epp?

Learning From The Big Rogue

Naija is acknowledged to be the Giant of Africa. Only enemies call us giants in the limbo or giants of corruption. We pay them no heed. I am sure those in government are taking note of the Big Brother Peer Influence they are engendering in smaller nations across the continent.

If something big trends in Naija, smaller nations copy it. Fighting corruption is now the mantra across the continent. It was even smuggled into the order paper at the African Union. It must have been cheering news that shortly after visiting the continental anti-corruption apostle, Liberia has enlisted in the anticorruption league. A container loaded with $60 million cash (in US Dollar-equivalent) went missing while Liberia was transiting between George Weah and Madam Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.

For security reasons, Liberia, like Big Brother Naija prints its currency abroad. But instead of transporting them in planes, the poor nation uses containers. Weah and his transition committee were very busy learning to ride official limousines when the missing container arrived. Without supervision, the contents vamoosed before the Liberian Central Bank could capture it.

It won’t be shocking to hear that apes at the Liberia Chimpanzee Rescue stole the money. That would be a classical aping of Naija’s incongruous ingenuity, seeing that monkeys and snakes have swallowed more money than anyone with brains could comprehend in Naija. Just like Sai Baba, Weah is asking questions.

This is why; it is very disheartening to know that there are countries in this continent jostling to upstage Naija’s prime position at the bottom of government integrity index. According to data just released by the Heritage Foundation, globally, Naija is second on the scale, next only to failed Venezuela. But Madagascar, Somalia, Angola, Zimbabwe and Sudan in that order are working extra hard to take the top stage. Imagine, people can’t stay on top without peers scrambling to upstage them. I just don’t get this kind of competition, nor does Sai Baba.

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